WHAT DO I NEED?

I lived my life, living on what should be done and what should not. Did whatever everyone wanted me to do, fulfilled their expectations.. or at least in the process of trying to. In all these years never did anyone ask, “What do you want?” if anyone could read my mind, to see what I see, to feel what I feel. Ah, well, that’s just a small little hope. Everyone says I’m different, I like being alone. Little do they know that it kills me inside every time I’m left to do what I want to do. They say she hardly talks or is boringly dull. Little do they know am screaming inside with wanting to say so many things but no one to listen. They say I work way too hard and hardly have any fun. Little do they know, there are things in this world I need to change and I’m trying my best to get them done. I may say to the world am good, am fine and am better off alone, but what I really mean is am dying, am lonely and want you to hear my screams. I wanted someone to walk with me in this lonely road, someone to be my flashlight in the darkness, listen to my silent screams. All I ever wanted was to be someone that my parents were proud of, be the one you can lean on, be someone who cares and will be by your side at all times. I wanted happiness, never to be left alone, to love and be loved, to be wanted by someone, anyone. I know my wants will never come true, but in a different life, maybe I’ll be whatever I want to be, the princess of my own world. Only if dreams could come true. I know I’ve made mistakes and I know I’ve got to pay the price. But if I could wish for anything in this world, I would never wish to live this life again.

"If you knew how lonely my life has been

And how long I've been so alone

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along

And change my life the way you've done"

TO ALL YOU FREAKS!

Life is tough! Well. People who’ve read my other blogs have heard enough of it. It sucks! You people know that, I’m happy one second and I’m dying the next. You may call me moody. Of course I am moody. But when life kicks you in the rear end every time you try to change, it makes you think “what the hell did you do to deserve this?”  But then some person, no idea who actually, said “Life is what you make of it”. And to that person I say “where the hell you come up with crap like that?” If life was actually what you make it, I’ll be sitting in one of the most prestigious law schools rather than a place where people think “You can’t be a part of anything.., you aren’t pretty enough! We’ll take the pretty girl with no brains”. (To all the people who are reading this and getting offended thinking she meant this for us, YES I do mean you people So STFU!).

Sometimes you give life one chance or may be two more. It does give you happiness while it fills the world with people full of themselves. As Eminem says, “I always wished for this, but it's almost turning into more of a nightmare than a dream.” Same here, this is what I always wanted, to study law, a place far away from home, freedom from restrictions, a chance to live my life for me  (if I ever could actually do that) . And what do I get? A whole load of crap, I spend hours studying, preparing for stuff, my dreams where in this, and you wouldn't have seen any other person more dedicated to becoming a lawyer than me. (If people talked to me before I came here and the first few months, they would have known!) And what actually happens..? The pretty girl gets all the credit.

You live my life and then make your lame comments. And you know what, with the burden I carry around my neck all day, you wouldn’t last a second! You would break down and die with the amount of expectations people will have from you and I promise, you would want to kill yourself when the past catches up with you So all you freaks who are against my so-called views, there’s a reason why I vent my anger, and I have all the right to say what I please. You can live your moment now. But there will be a day, when you will be standing below me and the only thing I would say to all you haters is, “Look, who’s laughing now?”

"Bitch, I'm a pick the world up and I'm a drop it on your fuckin' head"

-LIL WAYNE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROOMANI...!!

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.....!!


You're all grown up! may all your wishes come true and hope you be whatever you want to be.


Roomani, your the greatest person i've ever met, You've been there when times get tough, in all the joy and happiness and sometimes just when i need a hug


i know i've done stuff which in any sense isn't good.. I missed your party, I've told you to leave me alone when all you did try was to comfort me.. I apologize for every single act. I try to be brave, i put on a wall around me so that no one can hurt me anymore. But you always find a way to make a door and enter


Just be who you are..because as Bruno Mars says.., "When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change...Cause you're amazing, just the way you are...And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while...Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are...!!"




Wishing you all the great things in life, hope this day will bring you an extra share of all that makes you happiest.




I LOVE YOU!!




LOADS OF WISHES AND FUN.

XOXOXO

Your true and silent friend.

NO ONE CARES..!!

Why does a person care? For the love of the other person, the genuine concern over that person… you know what.. BULLSHIT! It’s a f**kin’ lie. No one cares!! No one gives a damn what you want, who you are and what you want to be! That is REALITY,  instead of being a complaint box about it, you can live your life not bothering about what anyone says or does!

Well that’s easy only in paper. You were born to care about others, ask for some love from them. And when you don’t get what you actually need, it kills you. It’s like falling into a deep vast trench of emptiness, awaiting your impending death but then, death, like every other aspect of your life doesn’t want you. You’re stuck in the emptiness. That is, the worst thing you can ever feel.

All I ever wanted,(yeah, I sound a bit desperate) was someone to care for me, someone to hug me at times of need and tell me, ”Pratz, I’m there for you, I’ll make these nightmares go away” or a simple “I’m there for you” to take the pain away.

When you’ve lived your life with pain and suffering A single world of care will be like a hope, a hope to hold on to, A belief that there is light at the end of every dark tunnel, a belief that after every storm there is a rainbow.

But reality says different, it says “No one cares, No one needs you, you were born alone and you were meant to be that way.

“I’m just the kid that no one cares about, you just got to keep screaming till they hear you out...!!”

I WALK THIS LONELY ROAD

"I walk this empty road,only one that I have ever known...". This is one line, which I can't get out of my head. Well, after 2 months here in Ahmedabad, the reality which I tried so hard to avoid, It is back to haunt me. Yes, I am alone again, I may be surrounded by dozens of known faces, yet inside, the emptiness fills. All I ever wanted, when I left Chennai was to "Never be let alone inside again". But i guess, my dreams are far from reality. This place is filled with the one thing I always feared, To be judged by how one looks, or what one wears rather than who they actually are. The real me, is just another shadow in the place filled with darkness- INVISIBLE

Well, this isn't a story about me.. but a peculiar story about two girls (peculiar because it doesn't have a ending..). Let me name them Atty and Bitty (I Know weird names.. couldn't think of anything else). Atty comes from a place where people had wealth, welfare and happiness with having money.Whereas, Bitty comes from a land where family comes first. You may think they are people so very different from each other- True, in a sense, But they did have one thing in common-love for attention, from their male counterparts. I met  them along. during my journey to attain freedom from my loneliness. Atty was the first one to meet me ,sticking by me , or you can say, using me until she found another flower to suck dry like a be. She wanted it all, fame,fortune and attention, She was rude and selfish filled with self consciousness and self pity

Bitty, the lesser known individual, was the most sweetest, bubbliest person you can ever meet.She was fun to listen to,but one can never be heard when she's around. But one thing corrupted her, the one thing both Atty and Bitty had in common, the word which in a bad way changes the whole world - ATTENTION

I guess I had to get involved in their lives, just to get more of the self-loathsomeness. I guess, I live by the lines of the song...

"I am just the kid, that no one cares about,

You just have to keep screaming till they hear you out....!!" 

A LETTER TO DAD

Dear dad,

I LOVE YOU.

The time I’ve spent away from you and mom... it made me realize, that dad, what you’ve gone through, to make sure all my dreams came true, I know I can never repay what you’ve done for me. I’ll try dad, I’ll try to be the best. I’ll make you proud of me one day. I’ll make sure you can tell the world with your head up high that yes, she is my daughter.

I know dad, I’ve made a whole lot of mistakes and shattered all your dreams for my selfish reasons. I’m sorry dad. I know I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that. You have always been my inspiration. My light of hope in this eternal world of darkness, Even as the time gets tough I’ll know I have to carry on for it’s you and mom for whom I make this journey.

I know I’ve never showed it out. But dad I do respect you, for whatever decisions you’ve taken. That has made me who I am today. Where ever I am dad and whatever I may be doing , remember one thing, I am doing it all for you.

I promise dad. I’ll be a better daughter, I promise to be what you always wanted me to be. I promise to always make you keep your head up high. And I promise dad, I’m always by your side, no matter what life brings in front of us.

Dad, I Love you and will be there for you no matter what. You’re the strongest person on this earth dad, and however bad I may have behaved all this while, please do forgive me.

With loads of love,

Your loving daughter.

Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad
~ Anne Geddes

THE LAW OF GOLF

The game of golf, like every other aspect of life, is often subject to the vagaries of law. As a golfer myself, I decided to make the connection between the game I love and the subject that I am pursuing. Well, I didn’t have to look far. Golf is a game filled with intricate rules and regulations. What is LAW? In general, a rule of being or of conduct, established by an authority able to enforce its will; a controlling regulation; the mode or order according to which an agent or a power acts. So the rules and regulations of the game is nothing but the Law of the game.Violating "the law" of golf can have serious consequences.

The rules are so seriously applied in this game that The United States Golf Association (U.S.G.A) and The Royal and Ancient Golf club of Saint Andrew (yes, it is a name of a club) write, interpret and revise the rules every 4 years!

The game of golf has rules ranging from the minutest detail of the size of the ball till the huge ones which result in disqualifications!.

Here’s an instance, the rule of golf state that, “You must play the ball as it lies” which in simple terms means that you cannot modify, or do something that affects the position of the ball in play except under certain circumstances. The penalty for not complying with this rule is “you’ll lose the hole in the case of match play or incur a two stroke penalty” (Trust me! That’s like the worst thing possible; it ruins your entire game)

The connection to law? In law of torts, there is a breach of a legal right. Let’s say without the breach an individual just like the golf ball remains in the same position. And as a liability a defendant faces a penalty or a suit for damages like a unsuspecting or intentional golfer penalized for negligence and breach of duty

Therefore, each rule of golf will have a way into the law of the land. 

That’s why they say “the golfer who follows all the rules of the game must be one hell of a lawyer”